Most of the time, I have a pretty good relationship with my Crohn's. We have fun together - we go out on dates to CCFA events, go to camp together, and we have lots of great inside jokes about my digestion. On the surface, it seems like we belong together.
However, things are not what they seem in the private aspects of our relationship. Crohn's can be very abusive - from the gut-wrenching pain to the early morning vomiting - Crohn's doesn't like to leave me be for very long.
But after a day of beating me up, Crohn's always apologizes. I get to talk with my awesome boyfriend who I met through Crohn's or I get to hang out with some Crohnies. I can never really be mad at Crohn's because I see all of the things that it has brought me.
Some weeks, however, it takes all of my strength of will to not want to break up with my disease. Days like today, where it holds me back from completing my running goal. The days where I can't walk because I'm in so much pain.
Some days, Crohn's is just a huge pain in my ass. It won't let me sit for long periods of time.
And don't get me started on the abuse it wreaks on me when I have to go to the bathroom! When I have poop running through my intestines, Crohn's gets really mad and starts to become abusive again. It's getting to the point where I'm scared to eat because I know Crohn's isn't going to like me going out and putting that stuff inside of me.
Lately, my runs have been testing our relationship. At first, Crohn's didn't like them, but after months of begging and pleading for Crohn's to understand the importance of running, it decided to let me reach for my goals. Nowadays, Crohn's isn't being so supportive. It's a bit jealous about the time I'm putting into my runs and has decided to start complaining whenever I head out.
It's not a healthy relationship - but it looks like we're in this for the long haul.
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