It's been way too long since I last posted; as such, you all get to hear about all of the fun musings I've had.
Lately, I have been struck by the chronic-ness of my disease (now you all understand the title of my post!). After 10.5 years, Crohn's should just be a part of my normal. Yet it continuously throws me out of balance.
Some of you may remember my excitement at the end of 2013. For the first, I achieved remission without surgery. I was exercising, eating well, and it seemed like nothing could stop me.
Then Crohn's left me with the reality check. My family and I were so excited about me going to Jamaica. For once, my disease wasn't dictating my life. We made these plans almost a year in advance and stuck to them. It was a great feeling knowing that I didn't have to give something up later on just because my Crohn's decided to be a little shit.
During Jamaica, Crohn's decided I was forgetting what it was like to be sick and I ended up taking way more vicodin in Jamaica than I had in the last 6 months. But that was nothing to what this first month home has been like. I'm starting to get used to pain again. I can ignore the stabbing pains and found out today that I can even give a pretty good speech when all I want to do is curl in a ball while the doctors push all the pain medications into an IV.
Crohn's is not a disease. It is a way of life.
For the last months of 2013, I forgot that. Crohn's was seeming like a disease I just happened to have, but not something that actually affected my life. Now, I'm needing to remember how to deal with having a chronic illness. I need to cancel plans because the pain is too great, I need to watch what I eat, I need to be careful when I exercise to not push myself too hard.
Time to get out of my pity party. Crohn's is going to be a part of my life forever and there will be better times. I need to just remind myself when times are tough that eventually they will be good again.