Don't let your Crohn's win. Beat the Crohn's.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Between a flare and remission

I know it's been awhile since I've written, but I've been trying to get back into a routine with new classes, work schedule, etc.
It's always difficult to know how I should be feeling, and whether or not I should be satisfied with how I'm feeling. Since I've been trying to eat healthier, I go to the bathroom less and I have less pain, but I am nowhere near being symptom free. Sometimes I have random Crohn's pains or I feel sick to my stomach.
Remembering where I was even two months ago, I want to say that I'm in a remission. I feel so much better than I did. However, I have those times where I spend 10 minutes in the bathroom, or I have an attack, and it makes me feel that I should be doing something so I don't have them anymore. At my last appointment, I had had very few symptoms in the last couple days, and my nurse was visibly relieved. We had been talking about what I could do to feel better and she had said there really weren't any other options.
Because there's really no other options (either a new clinical trial or surgery), am I stuck at a semi-remission being a full remission for me? When things are bad I remember that there are other people out there who have it worse than me. Some people have several surgeries right after another. Others can't work or eat through a feeding tube. Then I look at other people who can go out and do whatever they want because they have no symptoms. When you're in the middle, are you a complainer for wanting to have less symptoms?
I've personally decided to stop trying to find some magical cure. I was feeling better Crohn's-wise on the Diet Evolution, but I was mentally unsettled by only eating salads for every meal. I have backed off from unhealthy foods, but I allow myself to eat something "unhealthy" (a cookie or piece of bread) every day or so because I'm not a rabbit.
Maybe I should be grateful that I'm able to go about my daily life, but it'd be nice to have a less personal relationship with all of the college bathrooms.

Friday, February 8, 2013


I'm really trying to write one post a week, but we'll see how this goes!
One thing that has been really difficult for me lately is trying to figure out what kind of mentality I'm supposed to have regarding Crohn's disease. My "growing up" with this disease revolved around a doctor who believed I should feel as though I didn't have a disease. She always wanted me to call her if I was sick for more than a few days and had ruled out a cold or the flu. Then, we would switch around doses and hope that that was enough to make me feel better. My first couple years, I was constantly fiddling around with medication because my doctor believed that a remission meant I could go weeks without a single symptom.
Over time, I've realized that I may never become symptom-free. I'm so tired of constantly switching medications and trying out new things. However, I now wonder at what point I'm supposed to become satisfied. I realize that most Crohnies live with an almost everyday, symptomatic disease, but how many symptoms are too much?
Unfortunately, I still want to be completely healthy. I want to wake up and not be nauseous, or have formed stool when I poop. I don't know if I'm supposed to accept the fact that I'm going to always have pain and run the risk of accidents occurring, or if I'm supposed to fight to feel better. We're all hoping that this diet tips me into the realm of feeling better all the time, but it's hard to imagine what that's like after ten years of constant pain and diarrhea.
I know I can take pain and I can deal with all of the symptoms, but I really don't want to. It seems like there may be no other choice, but that doesn't seem like any real way to live.
All I can say is that I hope this diet works, and I hope that I stop craving ice cream.